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“Fear is a lazy bastard. It comes from the most primitive part of the brain. It takes no work and no intelligence.” John Hope Bryant, Love Leadership
Fear is an emotion that can hold us, limit us or drive us. Fear is one of the six basic emotions we share with animals. When it comes to leading people fear may deliver short term results but it comes at great cost. In contrast the other five emotions sadness, anger, happiness, surprise and love utilize the part of the brain that thinks, finds meaning and remembers. Qualities found in passionate and caring leaders who truly want to connect with people and develop relationships in order to serve others. John Hope Bryant calls these individuals Love Leaders.
In my quest to grow The Natural Leader business I have had the great privilege of meeting a few of these Love Leaders. Each has touched my life in a different way each demonstrated a quality I needed to learn. Sometimes it was a learning realized simply through my own fear of failing.
Barbara Ross, sister, friend and avid supporter. Barb is devoted to so many others, she has volunteered as a board member, fund raiser and for the past three months as full time Executive Director of Inn from the Cold to bring them through a critical transition period.
Fred Jacques, my mentor and partner through the programs we have delivered together. His knowledge, experience and willingness to share is inspiring.
Barbara Thrasher, believed in what we had to offer from her first introduction to the programs. She has continued to promote, support and encourage me – reminding without words on the importance of patience.
Kathy Pinder, Director of the Famous 5 I had the honour to work with Kathy on the 80th Anniversary of the ‘Persons Case’, her energy, enthusiasm and commitment is unwaivering.
Francis Wright, founder of the Famous 5 lives the importance of the role of women in developing a world worth living in.
Barbara Dodd-Jones for her participation and her willing endorsement in support of Equine instinct to better human Emotional Intelligence.
Suzanne Fitzhenry, Suzanne has been incredible in her ability to promote the University of
Calgary programs continually creating wait lists.
Donna Kennedy-Glans, has inspired me. Leadership in one of Canada’s largest oil companies taught her about the importance of self, family and belief. She continues to unveil opportunities for others through CanadaBridges.com
Jan Hornford, an aspiring equestrian with a positive energy and caring grace. Jan has a passion for people, her encouragement was the source of doing things differently this past year.
Christopher Byron, my husband, partner and best friend he both encourages and challenges me.
Each of these individuals helped me see that in failure lies great opportunity. It is simply about the choices we make. “Never say can’t and never say impossible. The difficult you do immediately, the impossible takes a little longer.”1 Love leadership is about caring more about what others think, need and want than you think about yourself.
I always connect my leadership learnings to what my horses have taught me – this topic is no different. Animals are great teachers of unconditional love they accept us for who were are based on how we treat them. Horses can be absolute grace under pressure – so willing to forgive.
Rhys and I have had our journey this past year. It was only when I was ready to commit and banish my fear of failure Rhys was there waiting to follow my lead. It is a path I am willing to take in my business and my life. Failure like falling is something you do but you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on. Loving what you are doing makes it that much easier.
Thanks to all of you I haven’t mentioned those who encouraged, participated and provided critical feedback and continue to influence my life. A great 2010 to all.
1- I am honoured to give credit where it is due – John Hope Byrant is the author of Love LeadershipFanatics Authentic Joe Namath Alabama Crimson Tide Autographed 16 x 20 Crimson Uniform with Ball Pho
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You can ask a stallion, tell a gelding, but you have a discussion with a mare. Cowboy Wisdom
Known for the Stampede and Spruce Meadows, Calgary is a hub for international competitors and horses. At these levels of competition one can’t help but notice the number of mares represented in the final round of cattle work, that famous eight second ride or the jump- off. It is a gender parity that puts the business community to shame.
While women may be present in a higher proportion in both the workplace and the stables, there continues to be a higher representation of males in senior management and geldings in the barns. I broached this observation on an equine related discussion board and the thread quickly drifted to typical gender stereotypes, hormones, personality preferences and dominant versus passive behaviour. Similar reasons as to why mares are relegated to brood herds and women left out of the board room.
As with all my articles I seem to waller1 around for a while before I decide what it is I really want to say. Sydney helped me gain some clarity this morning. The most confident horse I have ever owned, she has never questioned her own ability. Many people who have had the opportunity to work with her have remarked “that scanning the herd she hadn’t caught their eye, but her personality is one you cannot ignore.” What I am fairly confident about is in other hands she would be labeled a difficult horse.
Just as men and women view the same problem from different angles, a mares perspective on us differs from that of a gelding. Horse clinician Julie Goodnight suggests that “working with mares requires that we develop a meaningful relationship in order for them to bond with us as they would a herd mate.”
It is coming to understand this different perspective that has helped me grow in my horsemanship skills. A mare asks more of us as a leader and it is this questioning style that often puts people at odds with mares. The mindset of many horse owners is they should just do as I ask but, as we have seen time and again in our sessions, what we think we are asking and what the horse reads are often two completely different requests.
Thinking about how mares have been stereotyped what surprises me is how often I have heard from a women “they would never ride a mare.” A participant of a recent session couldn’t have framed it better when reflecting on his experience with lead mare Zoe “she was clearly allowing me to lead her”. He held no illusion that he was the leader simply because he held the lead rope. With both mares and geldings in our herd I have learned a lot about group dynamics. Every horse has learned behaviours but each has their own unique personality and background. It is the differences in the gender dynamics in the playground, the workplace and the stables that maintains a dynamic, growing and caring environment.
To update that cowboy saying on mares I would prefer to suggest “you need to engage in dialogue with a mare.” as too often a discussion ends up being one sided. Being open to a dialogue with Sydney or any of the other mares in the herd has allowed me to see what each excels at. Dialogue requires that we not only express our opinion but we that listen to other perspectives. When you find that area of common interest a mare’s loyalty is unquestionable they will truly put their heart and soul into getting you to the final round.
1-Waller – in this context is in reference to the aimless and sometimes purposeless requests we make of our horses, to the point they simply shut us out.
“A good horseman has to acknowledge the tough horses are often the best teachers.”
Chris Cox
I love the opportunity to hone my horsemanship skills by riding with folks who are better than I. End of June, I travelled down to Bozeman, Montana to ride with Buck Brannaman. This year everything took on new meaning as I was able to see some of last years forgotten explanations from a different perspective. As the horse master Tom Dorrance said “the first thing you need is the last thing you’ll learn.”
For years riding instructors stood in the middle of the arena and yelled out what not to do as you walked, trotted and cantered around the arena. Fortunately few of those experiences stuck as I was no doubt more concerned with saving my life than listening to the person barking instructions. I learn best by a combination of inputs and now understand why those university lectures went in one ear and out the other, just listening isn’t my forte.
The mentors I now choose best reflect my learning style, teachers who are on their horses explaining what they are going to do and why, showing me how they do it and then letting me do it. Horsemanship, like leadership is about the why, it is about feel. It is about knowledge through experience, timing and recognising what shows up.
This years clinic included a number of competitive tasks which may sound contrary to what you believe the concepts of what natural horsemanship are. What became clearer to me this year is horsemanship is about being fair but effective through simple, consistent and clear communication. LIke all aspects of leadership It is about understanding why, being focused on the outcome and being ready to support no matter what shows up.
Competition magnifies the expectations we place on ourselves. It was interesting to watch where the desire to win got in the way of success. When my focus was on the time, Maddison became increasingly resistant. Reflecting on the successful outcome of some of the complex elements, I realise I was more concerned with Maddison than winning and we worked better together.
We have used competitive elements in our programs and it is so easy to observe where task versus relationship tips the scale. Those of you who have participated know the hands-on learning with horses is a far cry from a powerpoint presentation with simulations. The programs are about executing a series of relatively simple tasks through explanation, demonstration and then experience. The links you personally make from the horses to work, home or life in general through the facilitated discussions or reflection moments you share with us, is where the real learning happens.
We try and set up our sessions so we are able to reach you no matter your learning style. We recognised early on in our program development that the workplace doesn’t need a whole new set of leadership practices. What people in the workplace are ready for is another way to view relevant and common ideas and principles that need to become habits in our bodies instead of just our heads.
“Fear of Loss is greater than the desire to gain.” Jeffrey Gitomer
The more I work with people and horses the more frequently I see fear of “what might happen” instead of being present to what is happening.
If the name Gitomer sounds familiar, you may know the statement refers to sales, not leadership or even horses.
I had the pleasure of attending the Art of Sales as a guest of Brian Pleet of Strategico a couple of weeks ago. The statement on fear was simply a few of the words that rang true for me as I listened to Gitomer speak.
It is interesting how a presentation on sales offers the same concepts we reference for horsemanship, leadership, communication and life in general.
Gitomer summarized his presentation with five key points:
· Attitude
· Belief in self
· Love of what you do
· Being prepared
· & above all Self-confidence